change
It's really disconcerting when you find out that someone you knew quite well has changed their opinion about something truly fundamental. Lately I've been considering the way people view change. For me, it's always been a 'good thing' to be a steadfast person - loyal and true to yourself - which meant not changing who that is, not substantially or at least not often. This is what I grew up believing and still do. Perhaps it's related to a desire to not be perceived as flighty? A person I've known recently professed proudly to be a very changeable person and considers this to be a good thing, which struck me as odd. Flexibility is good, but changing who you are? Can it be healthy to do that all the time? I just found out not too long ago that someone I knew very well and was very close to changed his mind about something that I consider really fundamental, something he was always (when I knew him) very opinionated and sure about. It baffles me. Thoughts, anyone?
posted by Anne at 10:38 PM
4 Comments:
Sometimes change is brought about because a fear is vanquished. Sometimes change is brought about because we learn more, and discover that our opinion/lives do not match up with this previously unknown information. Being malleable to the point of changing every three days is bad, to be sure...but, really, isn't being "loyal and true to yourself" also about being honest with yourself? Perhaps a change is brought about from a person finally admitting they are gay. Know what I mean?
Oh, certainly. Something like that is definitely a change for the better - being true to oneself. To me, that's not opinion, though, that's who you are. I was thinking of something that one does have control over, something that's clearly a choice a person makes (and not a choice to admit/not admit) based on opinion. Does that distinction make sense?
Ah, completely. Opinion changing is always fun (heavy sarcasm here). I don't know...the previously unknown information thing can come into play, though. Former skinheads...I guess it all depends on perspective, doesn't it? Hmm...you are right, I am agreeing with you. I just think of myself, say, seven years ago, and I'm a completely changed person, as far as my personal goals go. Perhaps that's just a function of getting older. Let me see, example...say an individual switches from not ever wanting to have children to wanting to have children. That's a change about something truly fundemental. But is it changing who one is? Or is it just getting old and/or mature and/or responsible?
First off, let me say that it is a bit melty-clock to have a conversation like this without knowing who the other person is. But anyway.
I think the distinction between 'okay' and 'off-putting' is the frequency/ease with which such changes of opinion are made. Big decisions, like your having-kids example, are not decisions one should make lightly. Not the kind of thing a person should be changing their mind about on a regular basis. In my opinion, n'est-ce pas.
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