I’m in trouble.  I can feel it.  My temper is growing dangerously short.  I guess I’m going to try spewing here in hopes that I can keep a grip on it IRL.  My patience is worn pretty thin right now.  In the past 4 years or so I’ve stood up for myself and what would be best for me on issues twice.  Both times, people I thought were good friends have either ripped off my head and spit down my neck or given me a very hurtful bullying guilt/blame session despite the fact that the only thing it might have hurt was their ego.  The first time it meant I left flyball for a year, the second that I gave up an amazing opportunity at a flyball seminar.  I guess I spend so much time thinking about how my actions and words might affect other people I figure maybe they could return the favor…just a little?   As an aside, I’m sensing a trend here, maybe I just need to stop with the flyball, it seems to be at the root of all of this.  The most resent instance was only a week or so ago, so I’m walking around angry a lot of the time right now and its still very fresh.

I also started teaching a flyball class recently at a place that also offers agility (I teach on a portion of the agility field).  What’s got me steaming right now is that Saturday, after class, I get to go to a meeting because the agility lady is upset about ‘field usage’.  I was there an extra time last week, putting up a bulletin board I designed and made, and *gasp* used some of the agility equipment with Wixer.  I’m pretty sure she is upset that they weren’t where she left it and probably that I move the agility equipment off my portion of the field on Saturdays.  I spend 1/2 hour moving all that stuff off where I need for flyball every Saturday by myself.  But I feel that’s sort of beside the point,  that field is not her own personal fiefdom!  I’m hoping that by Saturday I will feel better or more able to just absorb her negativity like I usually do, but right now, not so much.   I’m tired of being the polite accommodating one and I’m afraid my friends and family are going to be ones who suffer from my drastically reduced patience.